I have plans to travel to three continents within the next 20 months. The tentative countries are England, China, then South Africa. While I try to sound brave and excited when I tell people, the truth is that I an nervous and I can't help but wonder if I am making a mistake by leaving everything I know for so long. I guess the logical question, after hearing my trepidation, is to ask "Why am I going?"
I live my life in a safe and orderly fashion. I drive (mostly) within the speed limit. I drink, but not excessively. Every now and then I smoke, but always in moderation. I don't have random hook-ups and I don't really date. I am simply not a rule breaker by nature. 'Sticking it to the man' seems pointless as we depend so greatly on the man which popular culture tells us to fight. From what I've experienced so far, those are the some of the methods that my generation uses to shake up their lives. But I don't want to break rules. It simply is not appealing to me, and I hate that I feel like I need to justify that.
My life at the moment feels claustrophobic and confined by cultural and generational norms. I want something that will let me breathe and take my breath away. I want an exciting live, filled with natural colors and new sights and new people and new ideas. I am afraid of the two years, but I am not afraid of the distance, I am afraid that it won't be breath-taking. I am afraid that the gain will not out weigh the bad, like not seeing my mother and sister for long periods of time, and not seeing my friends, and missing out on key moments with my peers. What if I come back and realize that I made a mistake? What if it was stupid and wistful to think that I could do something different and dangerous, and not loose anything.
If I believed in a God, now would be the time to pray. But I don't think I really do, so instead, I will just have to work my ass off to have the time of my life.
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